Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
