no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
