When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Randomize
