i was born a porn star she said
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
