my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
