I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
