i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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