finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
