The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
