I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
