I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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