I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
