Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
