people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
