it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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