fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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