According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
