You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
