Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Randomize
