The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
