Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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