Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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