I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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