Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
and you fell through a lawn chair
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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