so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
