Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
