i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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