yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
