Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
