i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
he fucked my hip out of place.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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