Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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