She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
