I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
COCAINE IS GR8
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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