I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
