I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
