so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
