We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
