my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
