So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
