We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
