If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
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