I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
How does one acquire holy water?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
