when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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