so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
