How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
