I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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