that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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