you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize
