i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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