I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
