according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
i believe in u and ur pee
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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