I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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