You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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