before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
