Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
